I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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