Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
