Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
