It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
