I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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