there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
