I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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