Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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