I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
