I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
