Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize