sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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