its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
