He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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