Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
