a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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