we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
