you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
