are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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