haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
