do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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