you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
