Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I lost the right to judge tonight
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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