you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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