So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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