How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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