Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
