I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
