I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
