How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
