God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
