NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize