Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
