He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
