My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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