I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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