What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
