I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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