Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
