I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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