you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
