Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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