Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
