I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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