I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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