I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
