he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
