Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
