Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
