I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
