Don't you send me to vm
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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