he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
