I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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