God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
