if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
