I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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