Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
