Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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