i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
