the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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