if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
