Swine flu. Run for my life!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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