I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
