I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize