ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
