Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
