i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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